Down the Rabbit Hole Part 8: Many Lessons Learned

Down the Rabbit Hole Part 8: Many Lessons Learned


Ass Hat introduced me to his super cool chick friend, Butterfly.  She was going to come and crash on my couch for a couple of nights so we took her to grab some of her stuff and head to my place.  I hadn’t met her before so we sat around the living room getting to know each other.  I asked her about the giant homemade tattoo she had inside her forearm.  She told me the story of how she was

roofied and gang raped.  She woke up with the tattoo as a reminder.  I asked her why she hadn’t had it removed.  She said it was really expensive and she’d even talked to some nonprofit group that helped gang members with tattoo removal, but they wouldn’t help her because she wasn’t actually IN the gang, only a victim of gang related crime.  My heart went out to her.

She crashed out on the couch that night and Ass Hat and I went to bed.  He wanted to have sex but I didn’t want to because I knew the travel trailer would shake.  I didn’t want to wake Butterfly and I didn’t want to be caught having sex.  He didn’t care and kept pushing until I finally got tired of fighting him off and let him do what he wanted.

When Butterfly left, I never saw her again.  She just up and disappeared but she left behind a long black dress with thigh high slits up either side and blue butterflies on it.  I still have it.

Puking Carrots

As a matter of fact, I wore it to a cast party.  The cast parties were always a blast and it didn’t matter that we were all underage; we drank anything we could get our hands on.  The parties always took place between the same two neighbor’s houses.  One was a student/mom with her husband and the other was a married couple that both worked part time in the theatre department.  We would run back and forth between the houses all night.

I arrived with my vodka in hand and I was looking for anything to chase it with.  I was over at the student/mom’s, The (Good) Witch, house.  All I could find was some grape kool aide… Learn from my mistake: vodka does NOT mix with grape kool aide.  I decided to just suck it up and take shots straight from the bottle I had stashed on the piano.  I ate a handful of baby carrots dipped in ranch and headed next door to McCafe’s house.  On the way there, I witnessed Doe Eyes and Spoon (a guy I’ll introduce later) sitting on Spoon’s tailgate.  Doe Eyes had drank the neck of a Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill and was drunk and Spoon, also drunk, was leaned over in her ear.  I see Doe Eyes throw her head back and yell, “Spoon’s tryin’ ta fuck me!”  I laughed uncontrollably as I stumbled inside.

McCafe was leading a circle around the living room, dancing to In the Middle of the Night and waving their arms around like a bunch of drunk fools.  Of course I joined in. When the song was over I decided to head back out to see what was happening around the bonfire.  I was not disappointed. A very gay and fabulous theatre alumni had rounded up a group for a game of Truth or Dare and it was his turn to dare another super cute alumni chick.  He wanted her to sing  “All that Jazz” and sell it! She stood on a stump and did her routine; we all cheered and dispersed.  I headed back to The Witch’s house.

I was hungry so I continued munching on ranch dipped carrots and washing it down with swigs of vodka.  As the night went on, the crowd thinned and the stragglers all ended up over at The Witch’s place.  There was a crowd of drunks singing tone-deaf karaoke inside (which is how I ended up OUTSIDE).  I was in the carport, laughing, joking and having a helluva time when a few of the others started request (okay, demand) my witch monologue from MacBeth.  I grinned, rolled my eyes and obliged.  Getting into character, I crouched to the ground, my long legs exposed out either side of the slits on my dress and waited for the cat calls to simmer before I gave a sexy, glowering look up.

“Double, double toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble

Eye of newt and toe of frog

Wool of bat and tongue of dog

Fillet of a finny snake

In the cauldron boil and bake

Adder’s fork and blind worm’s sting

Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing

For a charm of powerful trouble

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble

Double, double toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

I wound back down to the ground as I finished my piece and the crowd went wild.  It was then I realized my mistake: carrots do not absorb alcohol.  I felt that wave of heat and nausea wash over me. I looked up and caught The Witch’s eye and hoarsely said, “Too much vodka.”  She laughed, “Too much vodka?”  I closed me eyes and nodded, “Yep.  Too much vodka.”  She laughed again, “Too much vodka? You gonna puke?”  I put a hand out to be helped off the ground and nodded, again, “Oh, yeah. Too much vodka.”  She kept laughing as she helped me up and cleared a path to the bathroom, “Too much vodka! Comin’ through!”

I made it to the bathroom, no problem; I’ve never been the type to just puke anywhere.  I held my knees as I stared at the toilet bowl and just waited.  After a while, there’s a knock at the door.  It startled me and that seemed to be just the jolt my body needed; I hurled.  I opened my eyes to see a spew of bright orange hit the water.  What the fuck?!?  My eyes widened and my eyebrows painted confusion on my face as I continued to vomit carrots and vodka.  It was McCafe at the door, checking on me.  She let herself in and said, “So… You’ve had some carrots?”  I vomited again and hoarsely replied, “… and vodka”  I did my best to laugh.  I puked; again.  She tried to comfort me by rubbing my back.  I hated it.  This was one of those times that someone touching me made my skin crawl.  I just wanted to be left the fuck alone so I could puke in peace.  Why does no one seem to understand that?  But, I knew she was only trying to be nice and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I kept puking and did my best to ignore the back rubs.

After a while, she said, “Move over; my turn.”  I obliged.  She began puking so I rubbed her back, since I knew what others did to you they usually wanted done to them.  We shared the toilet back and forth for a while.  I was laughing internally; laughing out loud would have induced more vomiting.  After a bit, we’d both caught our breath and more knocks came at the door.  Someone needed the loo.  We pulled ourselves up off the floor and exited the restroom.  I walked down the hall and everyone had turned to look at me.  I wiped my mouth and yelled, “Alright! Who’s ready for another shot!?”  The house roared with laughter.  I grinned and went home.  No way in hell was I drinking anymore that night.  It was years before I could go near a carrot again.

The next day, the cast and crew of MacBeth all learned a very important lesson: don’t have a cast party the night before a performance.  Ever.  Doe Eyes was still drunk and swaying on stage.  The majority of us were pretty hung over as well.

3 thoughts on “Down the Rabbit Hole Part 8: Many Lessons Learned

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